Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew — Summary
Brief Synopsis
- Practical, empathetic guide by Ellen Notbohm that translates the everyday behaviors of children on the autism spectrum into clear, actionable insights for parents, teachers, and caregivers.
- Organized around ten core “wishes” (simple, memorable points) that explain how autistic children perceive the world, communicate, learn, and respond to supports.
Core Themes
- Behavior as communication: challenging behaviors often signal unmet needs (sensory, anxiety, communication).
- Need for structure and predictability: routines, clear expectations, and visual supports reduce stress and improve learning.
- Strengths‑based approach: emphasize abilities and interests to motivate learning and build confidence.
- Practical strategies: concrete tips for communication, classroom routines, sensory supports, and behavior planning.
- Advocacy and empathy: encourages adults to listen, adapt, and partner with children and families.
Why It’s Useful for Teachers
- Short, accessible chapters and real‑world examples make it classroom‑friendly.
- Offers immediately usable strategies and mindset shifts to support inclusion and reduce misunderstandings
Discussion Guide — Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew
(Book-club pick — for Parents & Teachers)
Brief framing
This guide is for a joint parent–teacher book-club discussion of Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew. Use it to compare perspectives, surface actionable insights, and plan changes to test at home and at school.
Key Themes to Notice (brief)
- Respecting the child’s inner experience and communication style
- The difference between behavior and intent (what behavior is communicating)
- Sensory needs and predictable routines as supports, not “accommodations” only
- Strengths-based, relationship-first approaches over deficit-focused models
- Collaborative planning and consistent expectations across home and school
Shared Opening Questions (10–15 minutes)
- Which chapter or “thing” resonated most for you — and why?
- What surprised you in the book? What confirmed what you already believed?
- Where do parents and teachers most strongly agree? Where are the biggest differences?
Discussion Prompts for Parents
- Which recommendation felt easiest to try at home? Which felt hardest? Why?
- Describe a time your child’s behavior was misunderstood. How would applying one idea from the book change the response?
- How do you currently balance protecting your child from frustration with giving them opportunities to learn? Did the book shift that balance?
- What small, concrete change will you commit to this week (communication, sensory strategy, expectation setting)?
Discussion Prompts for Teachers
- Which classroom strategies in the book are already in practice? Which could be introduced with minimal disruption?
- How can lesson planning better incorporate predictable structure without removing challenge?
- How could you change the way you explain accommodations to classmates and families so they feel respected and informed?
- What data or observations would you collect to track whether a strategy is helping a student?
Prompts to Bridge Home and School
- Where can we align routines/terminology so the child gets consistent signals? (examples: visual schedule format, calm-down cue, preferred sensory tool)
- Identify one student and build a one-week trial plan that includes a goal, specific supports at home and at school, how progress will be tracked, and a check-in time.
- How will we communicate results and next steps between home and school? (preferred channels and frequency)
Activities for Your Next Meeting
- Role-play: parent explains a behavior; teacher practices an empathetic response using language from the book. Swap roles.
- Create a joint visual support (one page) for a student: a daily schedule, sensory tools, two preferred reinforcers, and an agreed-upon calm-down script.
- Quick audit: list 3 school routines and 3 home routines. For each, note one change to better support predictability and one way to add choice/agency.
Practical Takeaways (Action List)
- Choose one strategy each to try immediately (one for a parent, one for a teacher). Set a one-week trial with a short check-in.
- Standardize one consistent cue or phrase both places will use.
- Document one observable goal and one simple measure (e.g., number of successful transitions per day).
- Share a one-page summary with any caregivers/paraschool staff.
Closing/Reflection Prompts (5–10 minutes)
- What new empathy or understanding did you gain for the other role?
- What will you do differently tomorrow at home or at school because of this book?

